You are not, you lying douchebag.

Anyone who uses the following phrases should be ignored and possibly socked in the jaw:

"Spiritual, but not religious" (what the -hell- does that even mean? The existence of a 'spirit' is a principle set down my religious doctrine, so you cant really be one without the other. What you really mean is; I feel unique and intellectual when i say i am against what i perceive to be mainstream theological ideas. Since it's easier and sounds neater, i read 120 page barnes&noble pieces of shit written by hippies who claim to base their work on buddhism or kaballah or whatever the watered down religion de jour is, and i want to appear deep so i pick up whatever tidbits sound awesomest to me and pretend that i live in accordance to those principles. Because Thomistic truth just sounds silly, while karmic retribution is totally totally sound in reason.)

"Progressive" (spare me the whole sloaganistic turn of phrase meant to take a stab at any other ideology.)

"Open minded" (liar)

"420 friendly" (just say 'pot smoker' you moron. The police department isn't listening in, and if they were they know what the fuck it means by now.)

"guesstimate" (theres no reason to combine synonyms, you sound like an asshole.)

"...is like one of my kids" (unless this follows 'the nicaraguan baby i just adopted' or possibly 'my parapalegic relative' it doesnt apply. Unless it has plans for college or a life span of 80 years, its nothing like a kid. It's not as much responsibility, its not as important to society and you dont have the capacity to fuck up royally/do an amazing job with it. It's just a dependent, and youre just pathetic.)

"whatever" (i will shoot you in the head so help me god.)

"I dont watch tv, only the history channel" (two things. one: just because it has 'history' in the title doesnt mean it contains historical facts. the first time it ran any special about or pertaining to aliens/gangs/the guy who wrote davinci code/the buying and selling of modern objects/guys breaking shit/anything about the end of the world, it lost all credibility. two: ITS ON THE TV.)

"I'm quiet until you get to know me." (Everyone except drunks are.)

"I say whats on my mind/I'm brutally honest" (This gem, in all its incarnations, is code for 'im a tactless dick, and im too lazy to work on it so ill try to pass it off as a quirk.')



I'll have to finish this another time, my ears are ringing.

SAM:)