Everybody's a jerk...you...me...this jerk...

Victim - Critical Thinking = Hero

2011-08-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

In our 13 minute attention grabbing ratings generating watered down Jack everyman style news program driven culture, there are only two ludicrous extremes to go to if channel -whatever- news wants anyone to pay on iota of attention; They either have to tell the sick and gritty tale of hideous murder or unspeakable tragedy, or they have to pull some hero story out of their ass to make it sound like they 'cover the happy stories too.' Not a bad way to strive for some balance in an industry where you literally have to convince people something they're doing right this minute will KILL THEM if they don't tune into Bob and Mike at 11. Never you mind the fact that all but the last four minutes of a two day give-a-shit-athon about whatever white chick recently got raped is all graphic depictions of her horrifying ordeal and detailed transcripts of every molestation encounter, drug forced down her throat or beating, and very little 'happy' news. It's one of the 'good' stories, all about how resilient and enduring the human spirit can be under the most gruesome of circumstances. Speaking of gruesome here is an actual audio recording of something large being inserted into 12 year old Natalie's...*and this is where I frantically click the 'back' button and hope to god this isn't going to land me on some list*

You see, no one listens to those stories to hear of how the person in question triumphed over adversity, they tune in to listen to how ghastly people can be to each other. To hear the most unspeakable of taboos re-told in all their hideous glory. Then they think tacking some bullshit about what a 'hero' the victim will make the people reading a play by play of an underage rape is anything less than a certifiable fucking sicko. And while we're on the subject of heroism...what the hell did any of these people do that's 'heroic'?

Surviving? Just not being dead is now a praise worthy endeavor? What other option did they have during their months in captivity, learn some vietnam p.o.w. camp heart beat stopping trick to end their own lives and thus be slightly less heroic in the eyes of the general public? Scratch that, kids who kill themselves are -also- considered heroic, as long as they were bullied and don't go on a killing spree in a public forum beforehand. So that's the standard we, as a country, are holding to young people today; please don't shoot us too and you're good to go. Also if you could kindly get raped in some dude's basement for a month or two before that would be super.

Not that I'm saying we shouldn't discuss these types of stories and let the people know that letting your 6 year old daughter out to play for 4 hours without checking on her might land her in a tent in a sex offenders backyard for the foreseeable future, I'm just saying 'She was kidnapped, molested and beaten' is sufficient information on the subject. Do we really -need- to have jurors listen to actual audio recordings of Jeffs gang molesting his horde of spirit wives? Not really, no. Do we really -need- to have Elizabeth Smart's face shoved in front of us every five minutes while her father weeps and graphically reminds us all of the tragedy she suffered? No. Do we need an entire weekend on True Crime dedicated to describing and re-describing the Jaycee Duggar build your own rape victims by investing in one rape victim scheme? Wtf?! No. Jesus. Just stop.
Stop telling us what atrocities these girls suffered while waving fourth grade school pictures of them in front of us like fucking super villians trying out a new form of mind control device.
Because it works.
We can't feel like good people when we say 'Wow I've had enough of this crap' and go back to surfing yo-yo contest videos when the details start wedging themselves into our minds like pity seeking missiles. We have no choice but to listen to the whole thing, because she went through all that, the least I can do is listen and call her an amazing wonderful brilliant shining star of a person for having not died through all that. And if for any reason we forget and try to let those people move on with their lives, they are once again brought to the forefront by the trial that took 8 months to get rolling or the jury selection, or the memoirs that have just been published, or the heartwarming story about how they are being handed an opportunity none of us will ever be able to try and take advantage of because our youth consisted of school, cartoons and Cosmo-girls magazines rather than living as a cultist sex-slave. They are not heroes because they do not want to be left alone to move on and make something of themselves. They want to re-live their suffering as many times as possible over as many mediums as they can to glean as much income as they can off of their situation. How is this not prostitution? Getting money for sex you had...particularly deviant sex none the less. But we are helpless against it. There's this delightful combination of us feeling like we give any amount of shit about these people and the sick part of our darkest souls that want to hear all the blood guts and horror that forces us against our own conscious will to listen, pity, and idolize these victims.

Elizabeth Smart does not deserve a spot on the abc news. She is awkward on camera, she has an unpleasant voice, she is not very interesting or cute or articulate, she doesn't have the kind of regal commanding presence news casters should have, she sure as hell doesn't seem like the kind of person the public can relate to (oh, you were a hardcore locked in the house Mormon until you were kidnapped and ritually raped by an even crazier old Mormon?! No way! Me too!) and her face looks like the younger version of the forever alone guy. All round but misshapen. Ugh. She got the part over deserving candidates with degrees in journalism and hating Conservatives (whatever they do at abc) because her father made it his personal business to get his otherwise mediocre or less daughter as much notoriety as possible by parading her around like a sodomized show pony, and is basking in the gentle glow of the spotlight he didn't have to fellate a crazy old man for. And this is the part of the story we are supposed to consider a 'triumph'. Sounds to me like the victimization is still going in full swing, and the only way she would really be a dignified amazing heroine would be to shut the fuck up and work for a living like the rest of us. Be ashamed of what happened. It's nothing to be fucking proud of. You don't walk up to everyone you meet, especially in a job interview and announce you have farted 74 times in the past month. Sure it's a part of who you are, it's nothing you should take great care to hide...but it's gross and no one should be forced to think of you in that light. And they do. They have no choice. From now on you'll be 74 times farting girl. Congratulations. Everyone is disgusted by you but feels bad enough for you to try to give you your way.

Also, color me Satan but I can't look at her face without seeing that blithering madman's penis. And I don't think I'm alone in that. In fact, I think that's the driving force behind her 'success'. No socially conscious person would dare say 'Wow this chick sucks in front of a camera, is kind of slow and pretty unattractive' because all they can see is some withered old man doing gross stuff to her under aged body, which stirs in them pity and to make up for noticing what a non-special non-heroic whiny media circus of a human being she is, they have to spit out whatever undeserved praise pops to mind with all haste. She is kind of stuttering alot...SHE'S AN INCREDIBLE YOUNG WOMAN!!! *whew*

Pitiful...but not in a good way...
SAM:)

Glasses, bi-polar women and kids with ADD...

2011-03-07T14:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think we quit trying to work on subjects that really enriched our lives and culture in the past; like art, romance, inventing new delicious breakfast cereals...and started using that energy to come up with ways to solve ailments that almost no one really suffers and almost everyone should have to live with if they do.

Glasses are the top offender on the list of crap everyone can get a doctor to say they need but can and should live without. Things a little blurry? Squint, you pussy. There's no reason to spend hundreds of dollars on a face ornament to announce to the world that you need to be coddled in some way because you aren't experiencing the world in perfect HD at all times. Do you really need to count the leaves on a tree you pass by barely noticing to begin with? No. Have you ever actually encountered something written in 12 point font at 4 feet away that you couldn't read? On the off chance you ever do; walk closer you lazy bastard. Are you running into shit constantly? If you are, then maybe you need glasses. Otherwise accept that you don't have telescopic vision, you may have to hold a book at a different distance and the subtle pattern under the hem of a sleeve may elude you. Glasses are for old people and pussies. And people who are running into shit. Only.

It's the same thing with bi-polar disorder in women now. You mean your wife acts like a crazy bitch sometimes? Say it ain't so! Let me let you in on a little secret; shes a chick. And chicks are fucking crazy. They don't need long term chemical intervention or even therapy, they need 1) Flowers, chocolate and a good hard nailing every week or so and 2) To be told to shut the fuck up and go clean something when they have time to sit around contemplating the vast meaninglessness of their life/behavioral problems of their spouse/what a bitch their best friend is etc. Seriously, when the house is spic and span, dinner is made, there's something complicated baking in the oven for dessert, the kids are a grade level ahead of where they used to be and the dog can balance a cookie on his nose; if you still have the time an energy to have a freak out then by all means, go seek professional help. But if you're just sitting on your ass milling through potential things to lose your mind about, you're not bi-polar. You're lazy, and a failure, and should feel exactly as bad as you do about yourself. No uplifting meds for you.

I can solve all the world's semi-legitimate problems in such a way; Aspergers? Keep your ass inside when possible and quit touching people at the bus stop when you have to go out. ADD? Study harder and skip from subject to subject all you'd like. You'll make a fucking killing if you're ever chosen for Jeopardy. Lactose intolerance? If you have a 'lactose intolerance' you should be required to wear a tutu at all times. It's just milk asshole, drink less of it or shut up and take your 25 minutes in the bathroom like a grown up. Solved. Porn addiction? Whap his face with a newspaper and tell him 'No' in a firm clear voice. Actually, that'll work for any addiction. Spare me the psychoanalysis bullshit about what area of your life went wrong and you now need to self medicate to feel normal. You're addicted because it feels good. You're quitting because you've overused and turned into a douche and a liability. Also because you're getting hit in the face with a newspaper every time you try to indulge yourself. Solved. Hoarding? Throw that pile of crap away, drag all 120 of the dogs/cats/canaries whatever the fuck it is out back in the yard and shoot them. Deal with the breakdown later. I'll be willing to bet they're so afraid of having their mass of dogs shot/piles of stuff burned again that they'll never want to stockpile as long as they live. Solved.

I could go on all day. I'll be waiting for the call for my new A&E series: 'Samantha fixes everyone's stupid fucking problems' It'll mostly be people crying and me throwing rocks at them. What, like A&E has better programming lined up for next season...

You are not, you lying douchebag.

2010-05-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

Anyone who uses the following phrases should be ignored and possibly socked in the jaw:

"Spiritual, but not religious" (what the -hell- does that even mean? The existence of a 'spirit' is a principle set down my religious doctrine, so you cant really be one without the other. What you really mean is; I feel unique and intellectual when i say i am against what i perceive to be mainstream theological ideas. Since it's easier and sounds neater, i read 120 page barnes&noble pieces of shit written by hippies who claim to base their work on buddhism or kaballah or whatever the watered down religion de jour is, and i want to appear deep so i pick up whatever tidbits sound awesomest to me and pretend that i live in accordance to those principles. Because Thomistic truth just sounds silly, while karmic retribution is totally totally sound in reason.)

"Progressive" (spare me the whole sloaganistic turn of phrase meant to take a stab at any other ideology.)

"Open minded" (liar)

"420 friendly" (just say 'pot smoker' you moron. The police department isn't listening in, and if they were they know what the fuck it means by now.)

"guesstimate" (theres no reason to combine synonyms, you sound like an asshole.)

"...is like one of my kids" (unless this follows 'the nicaraguan baby i just adopted' or possibly 'my parapalegic relative' it doesnt apply. Unless it has plans for college or a life span of 80 years, its nothing like a kid. It's not as much responsibility, its not as important to society and you dont have the capacity to fuck up royally/do an amazing job with it. It's just a dependent, and youre just pathetic.)

"whatever" (i will shoot you in the head so help me god.)

"I dont watch tv, only the history channel" (two things. one: just because it has 'history' in the title doesnt mean it contains historical facts. the first time it ran any special about or pertaining to aliens/gangs/the guy who wrote davinci code/the buying and selling of modern objects/guys breaking shit/anything about the end of the world, it lost all credibility. two: ITS ON THE TV.)

"I'm quiet until you get to know me." (Everyone except drunks are.)

"I say whats on my mind/I'm brutally honest" (This gem, in all its incarnations, is code for 'im a tactless dick, and im too lazy to work on it so ill try to pass it off as a quirk.')

I'll have to finish this another time, my ears are ringing.

SAM:)

Just keep your vagina on, fatty.

2010-03-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

Chastity 'Chaz' Bono has gotten alot of press lately for becoming a man. She er...um...he can be seen on every entertainment news program, occasionally slipping a quick piece into a legitimate news outlet, giving the usual craptacular speech people who switch genitalia give; about her outsides matching her insides and finally looking how they feel, and whatever other justification they tack onto a silly and dangerous process they go through to fix their tattered of not completely non-existant self esteem.

Have you ever seen a hot woman turn into a man? No. Have you ever seen a woman who isnt a complete fucking walrus get a sex change? No. You see tubby, the issue isn't that youre a man living inside a womans body that makes you feel like youre not a woman- the problem is that you cant see your own vagina, you look like a loaf of bread baking in a strapless gown and you probably cant balance your globular ass on a pair of heels. No, you probably dont feel like a woman traditionally feels. You feel like a fat woman and its not a very pleasant feeling. You may feel a deep and painful yearning when you see a girl with a graceful tawny body and long flowing hair, but its not because you want her, its because you want to be her.

Deciding 'well screw it i dont feel pretty' and stitching on a penis isn't the answer. And if it werent for the horde of irresponsible doctors the procedure requires (every one of them laughing all the way to the bank) it wouldnt be an option. At the very very very least, they could skip all the psychobabble bullshit and make it a rule that you have to have a healthy BMI to undergo this procedure, but then extorting ludicrous amounts of money from shells of human beings convinced that making the shift will completely completely fix all their problems would be more difficult. And someone has to pay the mortgage on the vacation home in cabo, right?

Really.

SAM:)

You listen to pop too, jackass.

2010-03-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

What does the term 'popular' mean anymore? I'm sure you'd be hard pressed to find a room in america where more people like Britney Spears than Jimi Hendrix. Lynard Skynard has byfar outsold Backstreet Boys. But you can't have a conversation about music without being chastised by some aging rocker pathetically clinging to his teen/early 20's if you dare enjoy a tune by anyone whose frontman doesnt have a raspy drug addled voice and sruffy beard. Some comedian in reference to Aerosmith performing with NSync actually said they shouldnt belong on the same stage together...why? they both are, and always have been, studio created whores. Aerosmith have just been whores for longer ad have aquired more fans over time. At least NSync works out and practices. Aparently rolling off a hotel bed with a heroine needle sticking out of your arm and groupie cum on your balls to stumble onstage and run around not knowing where you are or what youre doing is more acceptable.

Credence Clearwater Revival sucks balls. But all you 'rockers' are more comfortable with them because they related closer to you; average to below average looking and untalented. You only like these fabricated monkeys banging on instruments because somewhere in decades past, when you were wandering around your school or neighborhood looking to connect with a group of people in your demographic, you saw someone around your age in a beat up shirt lacking in hygeine and at some point in the formative conversations of your budding friendship -insert stoner band here- came up, and you were afraid of being ostrasized forever if you didn't instantly agree that they're the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind ever. You had to swear they changed your life and define who you are and keep you alive or you'd be sitting at your own table at lunch for all eternity. You didn't have the option of hearing them objectively and noticing how the drummer doesn't do much better than any 17 year old could do, the lyrics were pretty non sensical and their marketing machine was about as agressive as a germanic campaign for patriotism in 1938. If you wanted to be accepted by the people who boast about how accepting and alternative they are, you have to make damn sure you don't think anything alternative to what they think or you won't be accepted.

Any high school kid could replicate the Star Spangled Banner as screeched through and slid around by Jimi Hendrix. It wasn't even hard the first time. But it pissed people who were branded the 'conservative enemy' off and was slightly unusual in a time where hordes of inebriated alternasheep were aching for something to blow their already blown minds, so he sold alot of records, gained a cult following and will never ever ever be questioned as to his god status again. Except by me. And look how many friends i have *crickets*

'Dust in the Wind' is a shitty ballad about how nothing last anyways, renowned the world over by people who waste their lives in a green haze repeating an endless narrative about how their complete lack of motivation to be better than sub par is not laziness or addiction but a lifestyle choice. Or due to circumstances that no one ever born could work through and theyre actually doing well for even still being alive. Nevermind expecting to own a business or a home with a formal dining room or more than one dress shirt. They 'have everything they need' and we're all just dust in the wind anyways so smoke another bowl and stare at the tv a few hours longer for years. We're not dust in the wind...decomposing after we die happens to be the effect of being organic, but we live for 80 years average, we impact every person we come into contact with and we have the ability to change the course of our spiecies history through both action and inaction. Get off your ass. And anyone can butterfly the strings and put a G chord on the fretboard, pardon me if i'm not pissing myself with awe, but I'm sober, discriminate and therefore not very impressed.

Doesn't it strike anyone as odd that the onset of the obsessive dedication people have to these musicians who are supposedly so utterly amazing usually coincides with the begining of drug use? Unless it's parental indoctrine (which is the case more often these days) and it was your parents drug use that coninceded with the intense love of this music, which they passed down to their offspring whose appreciation for the bands was strengthened around the time of their beginning drug use? I'm saying you need to be high to think this moderately entertaining and catchy crap is anything more than moderately entertaining and catchy crap. Also, when your high you're in a position to be swept off your feet by stuff that you normally would enjoy a little. And when (or if) you look at it without a sheet over your head you see its alright. Maybe a little silly. But pretty good right? Just pretty good. And it sure as hell doesn't define who -I- am. I didn't even write it. The guy who DID write it didn't even know me. He probably didn't really know what the fuck was going on in his own life...he was just approached by his manager who reminded him he signed a contract promising to churn out a requisite nuber of albums in a certain time frame and since there wasnt a fifth of jack in his hand now might be a good time to pick up a pen. Or maybe ther WAS a fifth of jack in his hand and the manager pryed it our briefly so he could scrawl a few lines. Maybe it was dictated. I've made my point.

The Beatles were self indulgent dicks who never did anything but exactly what was popular, and John Lennon deserved to be shot in the street like a dog for being such a terrible hypocritical close minded ass. 'Imagine' was the worst song ever written. Especially coming from a hedonistic greedy self serving fuckhead with untold wealth. If I'm ever in the neighborhood, I plan to spit of his grave.

Rock music is mediocre at best and embarrassing at worst. It's just as 'pop' as the boy bands and skaky disney teens you scowl at now, so shut your arrogant face hole and spare me the lecture.

Fuck you,
SAM:)

Freedom of Shutting the Hell Up.

2010-02-01T13:06:00.000-08:00

What liberals really want isnt free speech. They want to be able to relentlessly bash any opposing veiwpoint without putting themselves through the horrid inconvenience of research or objectivity. But since they would sound like closed minded jerks if they put it in those terms; they call it free speech. That way, anytime someone has the gall to say 'wow that was over a line' they can screech back 'I HAVE A RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH' and they...technically...are right. No matter how derogatory or condescending or just plain gross their 'speech' is, we have to hear about it with our mouths bound shut, lest we be branded with a handful of barely coherent slogans turned labels, accusations of being below average intellegence or (if the others haven't gotten on our nerves as much as they'd like) they stoop to childish name calling and unflattering physique-related adjectives.

During Bush's presidency a whole crop of rediculously over the top shows/movies/comedy routines came out to castrate any member of the republican party in any way possible. Some sketches included (i wish i was making this up) Cheney living in Barbra Bush's vagina, various members of the Bush administartion raping each other, and of course the ever present 'Bush is a legal retard' sub plot. Think what you'd like about the president and his staff; at what point in our society did it become ok to discuss (at length) an 80 year old womans vagina? Seriously. You may believe they were the worst leaders in history, but inventing an entire show around their elderly mother's private parts is over the line. A line that once upon a time existed. But we're not allowed to say so. They have free speech.

Me, not so much. I'm not even allowed to call an obviously gay man a 'fag' in jest, to his face, moments after he used it to describe himself, without it being a hate crime punishable by law. So calling the commander in cheif's mom a slut with the vice president living in her genitals is protected by the consitution...but telling your lesbian boss she can't have a fiancee because they can't legally get married will get you landed in a meeting with HR for 'cultural insensitivity' for the most frustrating hour and a half of your life.

In fact, I can't even have free speech enough to tell them their speech was ignorant and offensive. Well I can, but not without hearing some drivel taken off of some 1970's bumper sticker/tshirt that makes just enough sense to get it repeated for decades but not enough solid logic to keep my intestines from turning into angry serpents.

When our founding fathers spoke of free speech, they came from a country where it was litereally illegal to read certain pieces without facing time in prison. Not american 3 meals a day prison, olde english made of mossy bricks fighting rats for food dying of gangrene prison. I think they kind of assumed people were mature enough to avoid child molestation jokes and scenes of graphic rape available to the general public before 6 in the evening. What they were probably going for was 'we have a right to speak up when we're upset by the way things are' rather than 'we have a right to upset other people because it draws in ratings from a 15-25 year old demographic'.

And damn us for being upset. This should be funny right? Seth MacFarlane should be praised for his groundbreaking work towards...whatever it is he's doing. If we would evolve higher and think harder, we'd all come to the conclusion that the bile in our stomaches or fluttering in our hearts when we see something thats wrong and sad and enraging is a good thing. Or maybe we have an adverse physical reaction to that kind of stuff because we're -supposed- to steer clear. We're supposed to indulge that anti-impulse called self control that helps us develop our moral center. We used to have this thing...This nagging voice that says 'hey thats mean/gross/sad/WRONG' when we saw a kid getting molested or an old blind lady getting tortured. That voice used to help us mold ourselves into good people...But now (apparently) its only known side effect is killing brain cells and turning all who give in to the guilt it instills in us into driveling idiots in the eyes of the liberal public.

Oppressed in case i get oppressive,

SAM:)

I Think That's...Yep Just as Much Hate as I Can Feel for a Person...

2010-02-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

i hate rosie o donnell. not like 'oh god she sucks' hate, like 'my eyes gush puss when i see her' hate.

every day i hear about something insensitive uneducated or inflamitory shes said, and its never about an important political issue or anything that matters to anyone ever, its always her flapping her massive jaw about a celebrity or culture she knows nothing about but feels the need to judge like being a chunky dyke who used to have a crappy talk show makes her grand high lord marshal and keeper of all the worlds knowledge.

when shes not equating christains (who at their very worst picket abortion clinics and annul gay marriages) with radical islams who slaughter innocent people en masse on a daily basis, shes blogging on her website about her everyday life. the format of choice on roseisablowhardfuckhead.com (not the real site name) is one liners and quasi-poetry like an emo kid who read 'the bell jar' and thinks every mundane detail about their useless lives needs to sound deep and this effect can be acheived by pushing*enter* after every sentance.

what pisses me off most about her blog is that shes one of those retards who types 'u' instead of 'you' or '2' instead of 'too/to' just in case she was at risk for sounding like anything less than an extremist liberal with extremely stupid things to bang out on her keyboard with her globular fingers. my favorite exerpt:

"on the gay cruise
last week
a 10 yr old boy
quiet and quirky
whispered in my ear
?donald trump is a monster?
with genuine concern
he took my hand in his
and held it for 2 minutes
as gloria estefan sang
the rhythm is gonna get ya
pure bliss

2 connect
is all
always"

well congratulations rosebud, you got a child to side with you in a media war with a man who makes more money pissing in a can than you will make your entire career. wtf was a 10 year old boy doing on a gay cruise anyways? if the answer is 'being indoctrinated because we hate breeders' than yes, having him hold rosies hand while listening to gloria estefan is a sure way to scare him away from any and all pussy for the rest of his little life. his parents told him to hate donald because they think being gay means you have to agree with other more famous gay people about everything. i think you call it 'solidarity' i call it 'not bothing to develop your own opinion' because apprently what you like to do under the sheets means you get all to adopt the opinions of everyone with similar interests without it being considered close minded and sheeplike.

she goes on to address beau sia's 'open letter to all the rosie o donnells' apologising because she got owned and kissing his ass because she should. she lays the toadieing on real thick, sounding off about his soul being the the right place and hes an artist and he wants to enlighten blah blah blah. just say it rose, free of pomp and fancy dress up wordswhere you try to sound enlightened, just say "oh wow. i feel like an ass. sorry." but oh no rosie has to pretend shes oprah with the spirit and artist and whatever fluff she uses to pad the sharp edge of her ignorance and inability to see the consequenses of her words and opinions.

youre not famous enough to be THAT much of a dick yet rosie. go have another pop tart and be nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJCkHu3trKc the link to beaus video. browse youtube for more of her antics and beaus responses to her blog. its interesting to watch the story unfold...'interesting' here meaning 'magnificent beyond wordsbecause it makes rosie look worse and beau look better' so im sure as time progresses and my heart rate elevates ill have more to say on the subject.

rolling my eyes still.

sufficiently broken in,

SAM:)

Be Politically Correct: Ignore Facts!

2010-02-01T13:02:00.000-08:00

This http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6446183.stm

is the article that caused my ears to bleed this afternoon.

Every line in this article pisses me off for several reasons. It starts off accusing us (us meaning america, because now apparently any film that pulls a decent box office opening is the spokes film for the entire country) of "plundering Iran's historic past and insulting this civilization." Not only is that gramatically nonsense, we didnt rob or pillage iran's past*, but its also incredibly presumptous. i doubt half of the louts who went and saw the moive are even aware that iran and persia are basically the same place. Only around 13% of americans between 18 and 24 can even find it on a map* so i sincerely doubt they went as far as to draw the correlation between that ancient civilisation and present day iran. They sat down, chugged their mountain dew, stared at the scantilly clad dancers and bloodshed then left the theatre thinking about how cool the battles were, how hot the oracle chic was and if anything resembling intellegent thought crossed their synapses it was probably along the lines of their being under the impression that they know a little more about greek history. "Psychological Warfare" my arse.

Porbably the most disturbing part of the whiny little tyraid is how it refers to the film makers as "American cultural officials " as though anyone in or around hollywood has anything to do with culture, officially or otherwise. Way to bloat the position of directors and producers to government representatives and generals of psychological warfare. Apparently these 'officials' made the film for no other pupose but good old fasioned "mental satisfaction" acheiveable only after having struck a blow to poor old iranian history. The $70,885,301* this movie made opening weekend alone was the farthest thing from the filmmakers-sorry-'culture officials' minds. It was allll for the cause.

The artical accuses Hollywood and 'culture officials' of trying to "figure out ways to attack iranian culture". Cuz yaknow, thats such a difficult task...

The silliest of issues involves the portrayal of the iranians (who are called 'persians' in the movie because thats what they were in 480bc) as "ugly murderous dumb savages " which are ALL subjective terms for one, secondly the costumes were (as far as i can see) relatively historically accurate and most persians had helms that covered their faces, except for king xerxes who has 12 pack abs so i have no idea who they are to judge 'ugly' and how masked men somehow make that cut, but even if the iranians decide the persians are 'ugly' it doesnt neccissarily mean americans would. People buy posters of 50 cent and willingly look at them daily. In the eye of the beholder and all that. As far as 'murderous' the persians outnumbered the spartains 2,641,610 to 5,200 and the persians death toll was around 4 to 1* so by mathmatics alone the spartians would HAVE to be far more murderous than the persians. Dumb savages...xerxes has always been recognised as a brilliant leader, and the persian army didnt run monolouges about neither nuclear physics nor fart jokes while they were advancing on the spartains so there were no assertations made about their intellegence, and savage has been an outdated term since the 1800s because its subjective to the point of being useless.

The last line mentions something about the iranians protestover the movie 'alexander' where alexander the great was shown easily conquoring the persian empire. well he did. then he got drunk and burnt it down. live with that.

no one is chaning history because youre embarrased you got owned by a series of white boys. kindly take your thumb out of your mouth and quit balling like a child because you feel like hollywood is picking on you.

plundering,

SAM

* http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/plunder

* http://archives.cnn.com/2002/EDUCATION/11/20/geography.quiz/

* http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/boxoffice/

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_ThermopylaeSize_of_the_Greek_army

Oh Jesus Do I Hate Bumper Stickers.

2010-02-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

i have no choice but to read them because they are in the corner of my eye as i stare at the brakelights on the car in front of me during
gridlock, and its completely unfair of people to put other human beings through that kind of an awkward and agitating situation. i cant hear an elaboration of their stance, i cant counter with my own statement, i cant enlighten them when they are clearly missing some kind of point, and most importantly i dont want to be forced to care about what they think about any given subject. i just want to get from A to B without being bombarded by some jerks politcal affiliation or attitude towards the opposite sex/their job/religion etc summed up in a catchy one liner in obnoxious 'comic sans' font with a tacky lil emblem or comic charicter urinating.

i refuse to buy the 'right to express yourself' hooha. you dont
SERIOUSLY want everyone at the stoplight to consider your thoughts and appreciate you as a thinking individual with a unique point of veiw because thats not remotely possible to accomplish with a 7 by 3 inch sheet of sticky paper.
no, you wanted to mouth off without giving anyone the oppertunity to
challenge your position or you wanted to let the world know your undying love for whatever crappy emo band mtv is fellating this week. either way your malformed idealology ends up wedged in my brain like shrapnel and i cant help but sink into a mild depression knowing that this is the world i live in. a world where calvin pees on stuff, fishing is preferable to a day at work, everyone with a freakin jetta is a 'princess' and gay people can be recognised as such from three cars away at a wendys drive thru.

so in the spirit of fairness ive decided everyone with a bumper sticker should be required by law to pull over and let me talk about what i think about the ideals represented by their bumper for 25 seconds per sticker. then we can have some form of dialogue which will bring us all closer to understanding and respecting each other.
world peace here we come.

SAM

Unfaithful Sucks and Rihana is a Whore. A Deatiled Analysis.

2010-02-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

in case you havent heard the song, its actually very pretty...except the lyrics. it goes like this, my commentary in parenthesis:

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
(yeah dont take responsibility for your actions you freakin liberal whiner)
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
(and you love every second of him loving your company so stop with teh victimization crap.)

He's more than a man
(psh)
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
(its not 'more than love' its less than love, because if you loved him you wouldnt be such a skank. why dont you just throw in the towel and admit you love him like a brother then spend your time with him in a will and grace situation then bang the other dude, who is obviously alot more capable of rocking your world? ill tell you why, because youre selfish. you probably cant stand the thought of him with another girl, so you keep him all locked up in your apartment while you have your cake and eat it too.)

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
(whine whine whine if he was any kind of a man hed dump your ass for being such a vermicious whore. but apparently he lacks the rocks to do so and therefore deserves everything hes allowing himself to go through. and before you give me the 'loves her too much to let her go' tripe; hes just as capable of suggestion friendship and knowing her type she'd probably love nothing more than to keep him around longing for her so theres no way she'd cut off communication with him. its way too hard to let go of a fan when your a vain chick.)

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
(boo hoo then keep your legs closed.)

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
(this is what im talking about. hes a pussy. my b/f would tie my hair to the bedpost if he thought there was any chance in hell i might glance sideways at another guy in a bar where i was with my girlyfriends. someone needs to lay the smack down.)

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
(sob sob shut up ho.)

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
(you also dont wanna be a decent girlfriend. write that in your next song.)

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
(one less pussified negro roaming around clouding up the human gene pool.)
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Uh
Anymore

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
(will someone get the woman a gun already!? im sure every G in a five mile radius of her is packing. help a nigga out.)

No no no no

Yeah yeah yeah

(sheesh.)

seeing about aquiring a handgun for the lady,
SAM

On a Sunday Afternoon.

2010-02-01T12:59:00.000-08:00

i just thought of something else that pisses me off about liberals. theres a heap of terms they use that are either completely nonsensical or outlandishly over exaggerated, and just when i thought i couldnt be MORE annoyed by their vernacular i read some idiots thing about some hippy conspiracy (loose change...oh god i hate the troupe of retards responsible for THAT misguided load of tripe) and about every other sentance they used the term 'government' as though every man and woman involved in anything political or law related in the country was persoanlly responsible for some part of their supposed conspriacy. they never mention who 'the government' is, the closest they get is dropping names of people they claim had advanced knowledge of 9-11 or provided funding for the project or flayed infants or whatever else they think 'the government' does to rape this country of its civil rights and make life miserable for the common folk.

gov·ern·ment /--g?v?rnm?nt, -?rm?nt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[guhv-ern-muhnt, -er-muhnt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

?noun 1. the political direction and control exercised over the actions of the members, citizens, or inhabitants of communities, societies, and states; direction of the affairs of a state, community, etc.; political administration: Government is necessary to the existence of civilized society.
2. the form or system of rule by which a state, community, etc., is governed: monarchical government; episcopal government.
3. the governing body of persons in a state, community, etc.; administration.
4. a branch or service of the supreme authority of a state or nation, taken as representing the whole: a dam built by the government.
5. (in some parliamentary systems, as that of the United Kingdom) a. the particular group of persons forming the cabinet at any given time: The Prime Minister has formed a new government.
b. the parliament along with the cabinet: The government has fallen.

6. direction; control; management; rule: the government of one's conduct.
7. a district governed; province.
8. political science.
9. Grammar. the extablished usage that requires that one word in a sentence should cause another to be of a particular form: the government of the verb by its subject.

So basically they use 'government' as more of a name for a bad guy in a bad horror flick or sweeping generalization to avoid having to put more than the time it takes to splice together old local news reels and fold dollar bills into their quest to expose the ultimate 'truth' about 9-11 or whatever bullshit civil movement they think theyre igniting when they hog street corners with their 'protests' or stand around starbucks bitching about the country and the people who run it. Just like 'impeach' and 'facist' and 'propaganda machine' its a word that has lost all meaning and gives me a tumor every time i have to hear it come out of their rightous ignorant spastic mouths.

You know what else pisses me off about hippys? At the central market (haven for organic freaks but really good pizza) the sign over the express line actually says '10 items or less -give or take 1 or 2'. Seriously. They are so incapable of adhering to any system of rules, no matter how beneficial or efficent it is, they cant even bring themselves to 'opress' their customers into having 10 items of less in the 10 items or less lane. And id bet a jillion dollars that at least twice a week those pushy whiny bastards probably come up there with two more items than ten give or take one or two and nag if anyone with the appropriate number of items for that lane says anything about the fact that they have 14 items in a 10 items or less lane. Jeez.

choosing my wurds,
SAM:)

Some Jerk Posted This:

2010-02-01T12:58:00.000-08:00

my comments at the end.

"Hi,
I'm looking to meet people who lead healthy lifestyles and are generally happy folks. I am a healthy, happy person, but I tend to fall into circles of friends I'd rather not be a part of. I am happiest when I can share my time with optimistic, intelligent people.

About me: I'm a local massage therapist who's fallen off the granola bandwagon, but still seeks a healthy, even possibly holistic existence. I'm athiest (and anti-thiest, for that matter) and really appreciate those who think the same. I love trying new things, the sun, biking, nature-lover, (trying) eating healthy, my job, learning, politics/philosophy, etc. I'm right-brained at heart, but very logical and practical as well.

About you: any sex, gay or straight or whatever, any age (I'm young, but get along better with people in their thrities or older), happy, optimistic, emotionally and physically healthy- or getting there, and intelligent.

If you want to know more about me, or tell me about yourself, I'd be glad to hear from you.

Thanks, B"

why dont you save the time it took you to type the words 'happy and healthy' every other sentance and say what you mean: judgmental hippy asshole seeks other judgemental hippy asshole to look down our noses at because theyre not exactly like us. no fatties.'

my favorite part is the 'aetheist/antitheist' remark. especially the bit about 'appreciate' someone who 'thinks the same'. because discriminating against 80% of the worlds population based on them holding ANY given belief that isnt identical to yours isnt nearly as heineous if you use big words and try to infuse it with as much politeness as you can shove into an incredibly biased and close minded assumption of a sentance.

if someone put 'no muslims' into an ad, it wouldnt matter what long winded justification the guy who wrote it came up with. hed be a jerk. and im as certain as the dawn that this muthafuka has a long winded explanation involving 'opposing viewpoints and not enough in common' and blah blah whatever you just dont like god. also, you dont want to risk the subject coming up with someone who is knowledgeable about theology and still has faith, so its more comfortable for you to retain your 'every christain is an unintelligent sheep' ideaology and steer clear from anyone who might make you look like an ass.

because its much more fun to 'learn' from people you completely agree with, right? if an undercover christain were to pull his weight in a conversation about global politics or wheat germ recipes or whatever the fuck you hippies talk about and you respected him, then he mentioned he had faith in a god, youd have to admit that the intellegent optimistic happy healthy people you seek might be christains. and that anti-theists are not different than anti-black or anti-jew or anti-gay assholes.
and anyways maybe youre SO openminded that you are allowed to be closeminded to other people who you pre-determine may be closedminded right?
seriously.

go hop in your subaru, get a starbucks, put on your banana republic jogging shoes and bitch about global warming you half vegan bigot.

admittedly hateful,
SAM

Kanye West Sucks as Much as Possible.

2010-02-01T12:56:00.000-08:00

(Work it, make it, do it,
Makes us harder, better, faster, STRONGER!) [played throughout]

(Work it harder make it better,
Do it faster makes us stronger,
More than ever, hour after
Hour work is never over) [played throughout]

Th-th-that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need ya right now

Let’s get lost tonight
You could be my black Kate Moss tonight
Play secretary, I’m the boss tonight.
And you don’t give a f**k what they all say, right?
Awesome, the Christian in Christian Dior
Damn they don’t make ’em like this anymore
I ask, cause I’m not sure
Do anybody make real shit anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
Cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit
So go ahead go nuts, go ape shit
Especially in my pastel, all my bape shit
Act like you can’t tell who made this
New gospel homey take six, and take this, haters

N-n-now th-that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need (Me like-ee) ya right now

I don’t know if you got a man or not
If you made plans or not

If God put me in your plans or not
I’m trippin’, this drink got me sayin’ alot
But I know that God put you in front of me
So how the hell could you front on me
There’s a thousand yous
And only one of me
I’m trippin’, I’m caught up in the moment right?
’Cause it’s Louis Vuitton Don night
So we goin’ do everything that Kan like
Heard they’d do anything for a Klondike
Well I’d do anything for a blonde dyke
And she’ll do anything for the limelight
And we’ll do anything when the time’s right
Uh, baby you’re makin’ it
(Harder, better, faster, stronger) oh

Th-that that don’t kill me(oh)
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need ya right now

You know how long I’ve been on ya?
Since prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoners
Don’t act like I never told ya [x5]
Uh, baby you’re makin’ it

(Harder, better, faster, stronger)

N-n-now th-that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need ya right now
I need ya right now
I need ya right now

wtf is he even talking about?!

seriously. oj? klondikes? god offering him hoes? does he even try?

the saying isnt even ’ill do anything for a klondike’ its ’what would you do for a klondike bar’. unmeasurable jackassness. and you wonder why 50 outsells you. go get shot.

sue the record company all you want kanye, its not their fault you suck balls.

waiting for dickhead west to burst into tears,

SAM:)

Your Dog Does NOT Like Car Rides.

2010-02-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

We have a pile of stuff that didnt go at our yardsale, so we put it under the carport and put up a 'free stuff come take it' ad. various people were shuffling through it, for the most part it went well...until some jerkoff in a pickup had to drop by at 1130pm. hes one of those people who cant leave their stupid dog at home, lest they be without their self esteem crutch and face the real world for 18 seconds. some dogs do just fine. they stick their head out the window and drool all over the side of the car and they dont do anything to irritate the general public.

then theres this dog.

who has a fucking stage 3 anxiety attack the second the dude steps out of the car. it yelps, screams and does its best to run around the cab of the truck in a paranoid stupor, its clearly having a difficult time over there. i dont care if the dog is ok, but the owner should. if leaving it in the car causes it to freak the hell out, leave it at home. if not for its own comfort, then for mine. i dont know what in gods name would posses someone to park their yipping spazzing mongrel outside my house in the middle of the night and let it have a very loud heart attack for no less than 20 minutes.

dogs dont need to go find free stuff with you. nor do they need to accompany you to the market. i should be able to go to the store without some frothing beast baying and clawing at the half open window toward my children and i.

theres another guy like that at my boyfriends work. he goes to the thai restraunt for lunch most days and brings it with. its some foaming snarling pit mix that cant stand to see another human being within a mile of its car. the dog is obviously distraught being in that kind of environment, its upset by the people, its barking frantically at the door for the guy if its not trying to rip out a passerby's jugular, so why do they bother? ill tell you why: because theyre pathetic sociopaths who need to have something around to emotionally stabalize themselves around other people. they dont have a friend that has the time or inclination to let them drag them around to run meneal errands, so they purchase a warm body that depends on them for survival and tote it from place to place like theyre in a consentual relationship.

then they say 'oh he loves car rides!' no, clearly its in a state of panic the entire time. maybe it loves following out the door and getting in because thats doing something besides curling up on the rug sleeping 80% of its life away, but the rest of the experience looks terrifying.

now insurance companies are offering pet policies...because people arent bad enough drivers to begin with, lets encourage them to let an irradic creature loose in their vehicle, running back and forth on the seats, climbing all over their lap, and being noisy and chaotic when the driver should be paying attention to the road. cellphones are illegal (hang up and drive! its a distraction!) but a 20-200 pound mass of hair sound and agitation bouncing all over both the driver and the vehicle is number one a-ok.

yaknow, children require safetly harnesses for exactly that reason. you cant control them when youre driving, and really you should be too busy not plowing into other motorists to work on crowd control while en route.

make a seatbelt law. there is no reason in this rational world that a labrador needs to be wedged between you and the steering wheel. sit it in the seat and strap it in so it doesnt impair your ability to see, turn, brake or carry out any of the other functions neccssary to ensure your dumb ass doesnt take out a pedestrian.

'but he cant be left at home!' if your dog is too emotionally disturbed to leave at home for 20 minutes, you sure as hell shouldnt bring it out into the world and leave it unattended in a high traffic area. we need to pass that spot to get to the door. seriously. get a kennel. if youre one of those 'dogs are people too' nutjobs, get a babysitter. hes one of the family right? youd get your kid a babysitter if your kid was agoraphobic and couldnt go with you or be left alone right? or does that little adage only apply when youre not having to be inconvenienced?

i need a paintball gun in the worst way.

SAM:)

Carmen Electra Has Been Running the Same Moves Since the 80's and it's No Longer Sexy.

2010-02-01T12:54:00.001-08:00

so the blockbuster shelves are pretty much pecked through so against all better judgement i spent money and time on 'meet the spartans' last night.

actually it sat around my room for like a week then after drinking heavilly and reading every horrible reveiw i could find on the movie (that wasnt hard) i decided i would finally waste precious viewing time. also the only thing on was family guy and i could not BE more sick of the same few episodes they re-run like nazi brainwashing material on both tbs and adult swim.

anyways...

the movie sucked. obviously. but what sucked worse than anything was carmen freakin elektra running the same routine shes been selling since before i was freakin born. she walks up, lifting her foot too high then tiptoeing it directly in front of the other, she bites her fingertip, she tosses her weave around, she bends over and peeks back at the audience from behind her thighs, she does that thing where her eyes look like shes about to overdose on cocaine...and thats the show for tonight ladies and gentlemen.

half of that hasnt even been -seen- let alone been -found attractive- since early 90's porn. seriously. thats what you got? nibbling your fingertip like anyone gives a shit about your thin, old, badly shaded mouth anymore? wiggling your medically altered breasts who look like they hate each other because theyve moved inches apart to expose your liver spot riddled rib skin in the hopes that some poor sap will still get a halfie because you were a sex symbol decades ago? or is it the closeups of the discolored flesh you caked fake tan spray on in the effort to look a day under 40 thats supposed to revv our engines? maybe its the pigtails. because only young chicks wear pigtails, so putting your hair up in two seperate ponytails negates decades of sun, surgery and semen damage.

you know that feeling you get when your grandma says a dirty word? yeah. thats it. also you feel kinda bad...like watching 'war games' and you see the electronic equiptment hes working with and some part of you realises at that time it was way impressive but now its just laughable, so you feel slightly embarrassed for them. and im sure cusac has a decent PC in his home office, while silly ol carmen is still hocking her outdated wares like its fresh off the assembly line.

the fact that youre IN a movie like 'meet the spartans' shows how pop culture abandoned you long ago...or maybe thats the only job you could squeeze in between taco bell commercials.

pack it in you used up old bag. its no longer impressive. its just tired and sad.

wondering what her count is at,

SAM:)

Michael Jackson's Death Was Not Untimely.

2010-02-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

Seriously, the guy has done nothing but chop his own face up and hog tabloid space with his baby dangling and molestation accusations for damn near 15 years now. What has he accomplished since the early 90s? nothing. Just advertising what a freak he is in various media stunts, pumping his body full of as many substances as he can get his milky skeletal hands on and making sure some white kids he built in a test tube, named rediculously and shoved in the faces of america are at put through the most circusesque childhood possible.

Thanks for thriller michael...pardon me if i'm not caught in the throes of utmost lachrimosity over your dumb ass conking out a good decade after you were no longer useful. on the bright side, all the vinyl records rotting in peoples basements are now worth more than a nickle a piece.

this is NOT a national tragedy. it's one less child star bred to be a walking, shocking macabre magazine headline finally put out of its misery.

unchanged,

SAM:)

Rob Zombie...

2010-02-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

is an untalented moron who relies entirely on easy shock value and my generation's inability to correctly distinguish 'pushing the envelope' with 'grossing people the fuck out' to make money.

Yes yes, fetusus and corpses and rape and mud and whatever, pack it in already Robbie. You wanna live outside the box and blow minds? Think of a comprehensive health care reform that wont end up fucking the majority of americans and rally the youth to better the planet.
Wait...thats effort.
Much easier to have an inbred cheerleader suck on a dead nurses nipple in front of her brother/father/lover while pausing intermittantly to eat a raw steak.

See, anyone can do that. Its like a game of ad libs that a roomfull of 14 year old boys are playing as they try to get someone else to vomit after drinking half a gallon of milk each.

Develop the negatives funny and spin the camera around some more, im sure if people are inebriated enough theyll consider you talented.

Living dead girl...wtf?
SAM:)